Never give up
Don’t be afraid in life. Be brave – brave never die. If you want to live – fight with life, always move forward, never stay back. Never discard in yourself, never think – you’re small: you’re the best in the world.
I think it was in 1979; maybe it was a little bit before – I was attending in army camp. There was one of thick friend – and we were discussing a lot and he suggested that you should read that book – it’s a great book – “Autobiography of the Yogi” by Paramahamsa Yogananda. Because I was very ferocious reader – so the name stark in my mind. I came back and I’ve got to buy that book in 1979 and I went through it I think in 24 hours – I was just reading and reading it. It lap the very deep impression on me; some of the photographs were very similar, very familiar to me: I thought- I’m knowing these people, but I don’t know how they are in this book. Then my search of Kriya Yoga begin. The thoughts was too much for me to bear.
I made some inquiries – it was some people in my home town who were in connected with Yukteshwar Giri ashram – so I went there in 1981. And I was there for 1 year. And I was thinking that whoever is taking the name of Kriya yoga – they are not less than paramahamsa and they are all sitting in Samadhi. But it was a tragic realization that they are just talking on Kriya yoga without knowing the real Kriya yoga. And in the mean time I want to read commentary on Gita by one of the real disciples of Shyamacharan Lahiri Mahasaya – Shri Bhupendranath Sanyal and comments of Lahiri Mahasaya as well – he has written three volumes of it.
And what they are describing is Kriya yoga, but absolutely different that I was been told that this is Kriya yoga. It developed inside me the great frustration, many complexes, anger, irritation – so many things. I didn’t know – where to go and where to find the real Kriya yoga, who will teach me the real Kriya yoga. I think many of the seekers go through these things.
I was sitting in Shri Yukteshwar Giri’s Samadhi – there was no one there. And I was just very depressed. Suddenly a Bollywood movie song I heard; in Orissa, where hindi virtually is not spoken and at the right moment, when I was touching the lowest bottom of my frustration and depression – suddenly this song I heard. “Ruk jana nahi” is such a hope-giving song, it changes my mood absolutely.
I came out of the Samadhi temple of Shri Yukteshwar Giri and begin to follow the sound – from where this song is been played. I follow that and find one man, who opened his office for the tourists – travelling agency – and song was playing there. I shook his hand and say – “ You’re great, paape” – and he offered me chai, two samosas and even one rasgulla. And then suddenly – mood is different and positive things begin to happen: I got to met in few disciples of Bhupendranath Sanyal, they told me the address of my Guru in Benares, they told me – he is the last one, who knows Kriya yoga, there maybe no one else now in India. I got his address, I came back home and then went to see my Guru – and all the rest history.
Maybe it happen in 1981.
Q: what is translation of this song?
Guruji: “ruk jana nahi” – stop not, if you feel defeated. By the thorns you will find the shade of the spring, and you will find your destination. It is song by Kishore Kumar and till today it stands one of the most of my favorite songs. You should hear it.
These two songs are sort of inspiration: and ruk jana nahi appeared in exact moment – it’s impossible! And this we’re singing since school days.
Jeevan mein tu daarna nahi – It is very inspiring songs.
Q: You say that one year You were in ashram?
Guruji: most of the sannyasi were travelling abroad, the head of the ashram was always in abroad and he love to teach only americans and he was not teaching Kriya yoga at all, which I came to realized. Somehow they swindled to capture the ashram – because Yukteshwar Giri left it to Yogananda Paramahamsa. So much things were go beyond – I mean it was beyond my imagination that things like these can happen when people are practicing Kriya yoga and about to be paramahamsas. It was a very much disappointed thing, but: I’ve got my great inspiration and found the address of my Guru, who graces me accept as his disciple. And I don’t want to give them importance by mentioning their names. Let the dead remain buried. The song is from the very old movie – probably in early 70s it was released.
It is impossible now to analyze – that why just in the right moment at the bottom of my depression this great song was played in Jagannath Puri, Orissa where hindi virtually is not spoken. I still don’t remember the name of that sikh – but I remember him physically and I still have a taste of the samosas in my mouth, chai and rasgulla – he was great person. I don’t think he will ever realized, what he did. It changed my attitude, suddenly more positive thoughts started.
Q: what is the name of the person, who tell You the name of your Guru?
Guruji: his name was Jhvalaprasad Tiwari; and before meeting him I got to see one of the disciples of Bhupendranath Sanyal – his name was Shailendranath Mukherjee. He actually told me that what I’m doing is not Kriya yoga and he suggested to read that three volumes of the commentaries on Gita, which changed everything in my mind, opened them. I’m owe to mr. Bhupendranath Sanyal that his disciples showed me the right way.
Q: how You find Shailendranath Mukherjee?
Guruji: I was living in Yukteshwar Giri’s ashram, waiting to find Kriya yoga, and what they were teaching was absolutely nothing; then I learn from someone, that near Shankaracharya’s ashram is the place of Bhupendranath Sanyal and a small temple, dedicated to Lahiri Mahasaya. One afternoon I went there and I found an old man, sitting in the big house there – in the veranda. He was also a disciple of Bhupendranath Sanyal and a very good yogi. He was alone and I just reached there – so he asked my name. I told him “ Shailendra” – because his name was also Shailendra so we begin to talk. Then topic came about Kriya yoga and he suggested that three volumes – he told me that what I have been taught is not Kriya yoga at all. I said – how will I believe? Then he told: will You believe Lahiri Mahasaya? I said – of course, he’s the father of Kriya yoga. And then he suggested that three volumes of Gita’s commentaries which carries the comments of Lahiri Mahasaya as well. It was too much, when I went through the books. And I had no money – so he gave me 110 rupees also to buy these books. So I owe him also- Shailendra owing Shailendra.
They were good people. And there are people, who were not so good. Their Guru came once – in 1994, we cater and hosting them for three days, they were more then three hundred people – it was good. All group of the disciples. They were impressed. Most of the people have an idea that yogi or sadhu must live somewhere in the shade of a tree or in a small hut, but when they entered this – it’s royal place.
Q: when You found Your real Guru – how You react, when You receive the technics?
Guruji: I wrote a letter and I actually lost the address – so I just write to Lahiri Mahasaya Bengali tora, Benares – my Guru found the letter, then he answered me, wrote me his exact address. It was 2-3 letters when he called me – so I reach Benares at 30th September in 1982, which was the birthday of Lahiri Mahasaya also. There was one professor in Gwalior who wrote me the letter to one of his cousins, who help me finding the address. It was nearly impossible to find the right place – but he helped me.
There I saw the group of the oldest men I’ve ever seen in my life. My Guru was youngest – he was 77 and oldest man might be 98. When I reached there – I feel very queer, because I was only 25 and they all were looking at me. It was the very strange feeling. Then he told me to come next day. It was as if I knew these technics before and he also catch it – or maybe he was already knowing it. That was the beginning of very interesting journey. End of one search – beginning of another.
Q: maybe it’s disinformation, but I’ve heard that You came to person, who teach You in the ashram and told all that You think of him?
Guruji: oh, before leaving the ashram. I openly challenged him – that what You’re teaching is wrong. There was very big crowd – they were celebrating annual festival. I was standing alone there – and he was silent. Many people was trying to calm me down, but frustration was too much. If somebody robs you on your money – it’s another thing; but if your faith is somehow hurt – then it hurts more.
I will complete the 35 years of practicing yoga in October. It’s a long time of practice – or may be nothing. Many people are saying – oh, You are great – but I love to call Newton here. When people say – You’re great scientist – he said: no, I’m standing on the shoulders of giants, that’s why I’m looking tall. I like this quotation and I would like to say it.
Q: how did You feel after meeting the real Guru?
Guruji: the confidence was so high after meeting him. And I knew finally, what I have to do. Because in other places you’re just too much into philosophy and just thinking nice things – no hard work is required; but when you receive real Kriya – you already know that it is pretty hard work. It was the very great feeling – happiness, confidence was very high, satisfaction was also there. And anxiety was also there – whether I will be able to do it or I can’t do it. When I saw khechari for the first time – I thought I can not do it, but it was done – it was so many mixed feelings there.
Q: in ashram they not teach khechari?
Guruji: they never even talk about it. Because we belong to the original lineage – so we discuss khechari as if it is nothing, but I tell you – nobody discuss. Here almost everybody can do it – I think it’s a great blessing.